Hospital Patient

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old laday in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The old lady said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!"

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit."

A Little Guy

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'

The poor little guy starts crying.

'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.

“This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy between sobs. “I can't do anything right.” “I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.”

When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.

So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.

病人

一个声音慈祥的老妇人打电话给圣约翰医院，她小心小心翼翼的问接线生：“我能否和知道病人病情的人说话？”　接线生说：“可以， 病人叫什么名字？住哪个病房？”

老妇人说：“叫安娜，308房。”　接线生说：“你别挂电话，我帮你问问她的护士。”

过了几分钟，接线生和老妇人说：“我有个好消息，她的护士告诉我安娜的恢复得很好，她的血压正常，血液循环也很正常，她的医生打算让她星期二出院。”

老妇人说：“谢谢。太棒了！ 我现在总算放心了！谢谢你。”

接线生：“不用谢。 安娜是你女儿吗？”

  老妇人：“不是，我就是302房的安娜，没人告诉我任何事情！”

 倒霉的人

 一个瘦小的男人座在酒吧里，瞪着面前的一杯酒发呆了半小时直到一个爱惹麻烦的壮汉走进酒吧并一把抓过他面前的酒一饮而尽，然后挑衅对小个子说：“你没什么样意见吧？瘦子。”

 可怜的小个子竟然开始哭了起来！壮汉倒吓了一跳：“老兄，我是让你不开心了，可你也不用哭吧？我真受不了看男人哭！”

  “今天是我这辈子最倒霉的一天！”小个子抽咽着说，“我没一件事做顺利的。我睡觉过头没赶上一个重要会议，因此被老板炒了鱿鱼。我去停车场又发现车被偷了，而我没买任何保险。我还把钱包丢在了出租车里，进屋又居然发现我老婆和园丁在床上偷情，我那只烂狗竟然在我伤心欲绝时咬了我一口！”

 “天啊，”小个子大哭起来，“我好不容易谷起勇气想要结束我这可悲的一生，你居然抢喝了那杯毒酒！！”