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Already spent your bailout money? Not to worry, the Grinder has Five Rules for living high on a low budget.
Most of the money-saving tips you read are pretty lame. You know, that Martha Stewart/Happy Homemaker "brush your teeth with baking soda" stuff. Do you really need someone to tell you that cooking at home is cheaper than going out, or that generics are cheaper than name brands? After exhaustively testing dozen of money-saving methods, including do-it-yourself dentistry and using an extension cord to steal electricity from the neighbors, the Grinder has come up with Five Rules you can really use.
#5 Stop Driving Like an Idiot
Flooring the gas pedal, braking hard and flooring it again through traffic is the driving style of a moron. It wastes gas, will wear out the vehicle sooner, and ends up costing you big bucks in speeding tickets and insurance premiums. Also, driving that way makes you look like a teenage, zit-faced douchebag who thinks that having a leadfoot makes him a big man. There is a time to drive fast, people, and it is not when anyone else can see you.
#4 Buy in Bulk
Sure, times are tight and it's hard to stockpile. If all your money is going to food, shelter and clothing, stocking up on cotton swabs just doesn't have much appeal. But buying in volume at club stores like Sam's and Costco will save you major bank, particularly if you only buy items you are absolutely sure to use. Avoid, for instance, the 50-gallon drum of Hot Tamales. You will only end up hating a candy you once loved. Toilet paper is a better choice. Barring a colostomy, as long as you draw breath upon the earth, there will never, ever be a time in your life when you will not need toilet paper; which is either scary or weirdly comforting, depending on your worldview. Granted, there is something awkward about approaching a checkout counter with, say, 2,000 rolls of toilet paper in tow. People might think you have a hideous bowel disease or perhaps a fiber fetish. Either that or they'll think you are planning a really awesome prank.
#3 Pay For Sex
As every man suspects in his dark little heart, getting sex from escorts is much cheaper in the long run than bars and dating. Also, with an escort, you are considerably more likely to have sex. Considerably. Sure, patronizing hookers can give you nasty diseases and leave you spiritually bereft, unable to truly connect with another human soul. So? These are tough times. Everyone has to make sacrifices. Yours might have to be intimacy.
#2 Sneak liquor into bars, concerts and night clubs
First, please note that sneaking booze into places that sell liquor is almost always illegal—a big liquor code violation. It is also vaguely immoral. If everyone did it, after all, the bars would go out of business. Also keep in mind that you might get busted; embarrassed in front of your friends, tossed out on your ass (literally), and possibly be roughed up by a steroid-addled bouncer with nothing better to do than take out his lifelong frustrations on your rib cage. That said, a $20 half-pint of vodka will get you just as buzzed as $100 worth of drinks at the bar.
#1 Don't Buy Crap
If you are a woman, and your home was not recently destroyed in a flood, fire or other natural disaster, there is at least one thing we can say about you, with no other knowledge of your life, and be sure that it is utterly and incontrovertibly true: You already have enough shoes. Don't buy more. Men can apply the previous statement to themselves. Just replace the word "shoes" with "hats."
你已经花费自己救急用的钱了吗？不要担心，Grinder有教你五招如何低预算过高水准生活。
你读过的大多数省钱窍门都站不住脚。你知道，玛莎·斯图尔特/快乐家庭主妇推荐“用碳酸氢钠刷牙”。但你真的需要有人告诉你，在家里做饭比在饭店吃便宜吗，或告诉你仿制的比知名品牌便宜吗？经过详尽的测试十几种省钱的方法，其中包括DIY牙科护理和使用延长电线从邻居家偷电，Grinder推荐了五条您可以真正使用的规则。
＃ 5停止像白痴一样驾驶
驾车时踩油门，硬刹车和反复踩油门是低能儿的驾驶风格。这样做即浪费汽油，又加快汽车磨损，并且最终你会付出更多的超速罚单和保险费用。此外，这种驾驶风格会使你看起来像一个乳臭未干、满脸青春痘的傻逼，这些人总以为开得快就牛逼。其实当没人看到你的时候，你完全可以开快点。
＃ 4批量购物
当然，时间紧，很难储存。如果你所有的钱都用来吃饭，付房费和买衣物，囤积棉花棒确实没有太多的吸引力。但在俱乐部商店成批购物，比如山姆商店和Costco，将会为你节省一大笔钱，特别是如果你购买的物品是你绝对要用的。例如避免批量购买50加仑的热玉米面包馅卷。那样你只会讨厌你曾喜欢的糖果。卫生纸是一个比较好的选择。除结肠造口手术之外，只要你在世一天，你就需要卫生纸。这即令人感到恐怖又令人感到欣慰，这取决于您的世界观。当然，接近结帐柜台时也会碰到尴尬的场面，也就是说，一次成批购买2000卷卫生纸。人们可能会认为你有一个可怕的肠道疾病或者纤维恋物癖。要么或者他们会认为你是一个令人敬畏的恶作剧。
＃ 3花钱做爱
由于每个男人都会怀疑自己邪恶的一面，从长远来看，从临时女友身上得到性爱比从酒吧和约会时得到性爱要便宜的多了。此外，你和临时女友当然更有可能发生性行为。相当有可能。的确，招妓可能会让你传染性病，并且你在精神上感到空虚，更无法真正触及另一个人的灵魂。所以呢？这些都是艰难的时刻。每个人不得不作出牺牲。你的临时女友可能不得不要和你发生性行为。
＃ 2把酒偷偷地带进酒吧、音乐会和夜总会
首先，请注意，偷偷带酒到卖酒的地方几乎都是非法的——重大的酒法规违例。并且，这也是不道德的。如果每个人都这样做，毕竟，酒吧将会倒闭。同时请记住，您可能会被逮住；在你的朋友面前出丑,摔烂你的屁股，并有可能被激素失调的保镖粗暴对待，并把他们一生的挫折感发泄在你身上�；八淙绱�，但20美元的半品脱的伏特加就等于在酒吧消费价值100美元的饮料。
＃ 1不买没用的
如果你是一个女人，你的家最近没有被水灾，火灾或其他自然灾害摧毁，在不了解你的生活的情况下，至少有一件事我们可以对你发表意见，并且可以肯定它完全毫无疑义是事实：你已经有足够的鞋。不要再买了。把“鞋”换成“帽子”，这句话对男人来说也是适用的。
