It's not easy talking to a relative or friend who is dying. What if you say the wrong thing? But dying can be an isolating business if your friends and relatives are too scared to speak to you. Be yourself, but talk less and listen more.
1. Most people will know they are dying - these days doctors tell them. This doesn't mean they only want to talk about that; take your cue from them. "How are you feeling?" is often enough to start a conversation. If they are scared, don't tell them not to worry. Ask for specifics - people often fear the process of dying and worry how those they love will manage afterwards. Ask how you can help.
2. Try to avoid saying you know how they feel - you really don't. But it's fine to tell someone you love them and will miss them, as is crying.
3. If they are close to you, you could suggest ways in which you can remember them; putting together a box of memories or making a DVD of them. Discussing your shared history and what you've meant to each other can be comforting for both of you.
4. Talking about dying is not obligatory - some people and cultures shy away from it. It's also fine to sit quietly.
5. Psychologist Susan Wright advises allowing the person to feel they are still alive. "Don't make everything about how awful it is. When someone is dying the quality of their life is very important."
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